Paul Abraham: Tis’ the season of extra stress!

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Paul Abraham, speaking at Bramley Lawn.

By Paul Abraham of www.headingonwards.com

While Christmas can be a wonderful time of the year, for many people the run-up to and including the big day can be overwhelming – especially following the pandemic and its lasting effects.  

Buying presents, planning meals, hosting or going to family gatherings all increase stress levels.

Research by YouGov in 2019 revealed that over two in five Brits have felt more stressed during the festive season, while about one in four has struggled with anxiety or depression.  

A quarter of the population finds Christmas more challenging than the rest of the year. In fact, they say it has a fairly (19%) or very (7%) negative impact on their mental health.

Is your best never good enough? The demanding standards of perfection at Christmas we set ourselves can drain the joy out of your life and keep your stress levels high.  Is it time to give yourself a break? Perfectionism might sound like a great trait, after all, people who care about high standards in any walk of life are likely to be achievers.

However, holding ourselves to excessive standards can be highly stressful.  

A British study in 2003 which is still relevant today, found that the people most at risk of hopelessness and distress were those who combined perfectionism with “avoidance coping” – that is dealing with problems by ignoring rather than confronting them.

The combination of impossible standards and avoidance behaviour caused stress and depression.

Psychologists’ opinions differ as to whether perfection can ever be a positive attribute. Taken together the evidence suggests perfectionism has a tendency to make it harder to cope with the stresses of life.

Here are six pieces of advice when you start pressuring yourself to reach perfection in whatever form.

1. Prioritise based on your values 

Trying to do everything perfectly is hugely stressful. Save your high standards for the things that matter to you most.

2. Get comfortable with the idea of experimenting

Taking risks and making mistakes needn’t be a disaster and can be a positive learning experience.

3. Be process-smart

The majority of the payoff for your efforts tends to happen fairly early in the process; after that, the benefit-to-effort ratio starts to decline and at some point it stops being worthwhile.

4. Reward yourself for imperfect achievements

For instance, it may be better to meet a deadline with a slightly less-than-perfect product than spend so long getting it right that you don’t deliver at all.

5. Find role models

Who do you know who has similar goals, but seems to struggle less? When facing a challenge, ask yourself or them, how they’d tackle it.

6. Stress-saving cue cards

Write some positive, realistic statements on small pieces of card and carry them with you to serve as a reality check when perfectionism is making you too stressed. Examples are – “Nobody is perfect”, “having an off day doesn’t make me a failure”, “It’s okay to make mistakes – everyone does”, “I’m only human” and “If I’ve done my best, that’s the best I can do”.

We all have to learn to tolerate a level of imperfection. Your life especially in the festive season can be far less stressful if you can allow yourself to be human and fallible.

For more on Paul Abraham’s regular wellbeing tips, click here.

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